


• “Cute Clothes Boy” • TADASHI YAMAGUCHI / READER

by thevolleyballatinaizarki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, House Party, Manga & Anime, Music, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke are Bros, POV Yamaguchi Tadashi, Party, Sad, Secrets, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Underage Drinking, yamaguchi is very sad in this story and now i’m sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevolleyballatinaizarki/pseuds/thevolleyballatinaizarki
Summary: Why did Tadashi Yamaguchi go into such a vulnerable state with this stranger he had just met? Was it because he felt like he couldn’t tell his best friend or his actual family? Was it because he got attached too easily? Yamaguchi remembered the night as if it were yesterday. He remembered that loneliness within himself was comforted- both by silence and words, and all by a stranger he had just met._____________________________Hey! Before you read this story, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read the Author’s Note. This includes stuff important to the story, and has a list of trigger warnings. Please don’t read the story before you read the note. Thank you!
Relationships: Yamaguchi Tadashi/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. BEFORE YOU READ

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anyone who loves tadashi yamaguchi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anyone+who+loves+tadashi+yamaguchi).



BEFORE YOU READ- 

PLEASE READ FIRST

Hey! This story is a very depressing au (alternate universe) where Yamaguchi is at a party. There are a lot of triggers in this story and they will be listed below this paragraph. Before I explain more, I want to say that depression is something that many struggle with, and it is a hard battle. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is always someone who cares about you. There are options for help. It may be hard to ask for help, and I understand, it is hard. Once you release everything you have kept up to a trusted person, it feels so much better. Admitting that you need help is incredibly strong. There will always be someone who cares. I love you, all of you reading this. To whoever has also been through this, I am incredibly proud of you. Thank you for being here and staying strong. Thank you. 

NEVER EVER is this au story supposed to be romanticizing or glorifying mental illness. Mental illnesses are what millions of people have and should never be something people romanticize or glamorize. This specific story talks about Yamaguchi having depression. If you don’t like this part I recommend not reading this story. I can try and rewrite this story without that part included. However, this story is based on the song i was all over her , by Salvia Path. On one of the first nights I listened to this song (maybe early October?) I got an instant story in my head. When thinking of this story, I realized that Yamaguchi could fit this role; and here we are now, a Yamaguchi story! I will never and am not trying to romanticize or glorify mental illness or negative thoughts of any sorts. Please don’t read this story if you feel uncomfortable by this. I don’t want you to read this if there is something triggering or uncomfortable for you. Please see the list below. 

There are a lot of triggers that could possibly harm someone, so please look at this list. If there is anything I missed- please tell me!

WARNING- THIS STORY CONTAINS: 

Mention of depression, mention of self harm, parties, mentions of flashing lights, cursing, alcohol, drinking, drug use, illegal drugs, led lights, yelling, crying, emetophobia, claustrophobia, big groups of people 

Also- this is an AU (alternate universe). This is not how I think the characters would actually act- I just based this story off of head canons and the song, i was all over her , by Salvia Path. Please check the song out! 

Quick key!  
All lower case ex- “why am i..?” = Yamaguchi’s thoughts 

FROM: tsukishima 🦕 = Tsukishima’s texts

TO: tsukishima 🦕 = Yamaguchi’s texts

y/bff/n = Your Best Friend’s Name

y/f/n = Your full name

Now, you can continue reading. I hope you enjoy it!  
xoxo, me <3


	2. “Cute Clothes Boy”

BEFORE- Please make sure to look at “READ FIRST”. There are a couple notes and a list or possible triggers in this story! Read with caution please!

Why did Tadashi Yamaguchi go into such a vulnerable state with this stranger he had just met? Was it because he felt like he couldn’t tell his best friend or his actual family? Was it because he got attached too easily? Yamaguchi remembered the night as if it were yesterday. He remembered that loneliness within himself was comforted- both by silence and words, and all by a stranger he had just met.

________________________________

Validation  
Is what Tadashi Yamaguchi needed.  
A reason.  
A purpose.  
Motivation.  
Anything to keep him going in his bleak and dispirited life.

Yamaguchi has a therapist, because every time he insisted he was fine to his mother, she thought he wasn’t. Yamaguchi thought he played the role perfectly- his fake smiles, laughs, and the act of any emotions.

He was right; he played the part, it’s just his mother’s instinct to make sure that he is okay.

Yamaguchi didn’t tell the therapist what he was actually feeling. He was still diagnosed with depression only after the second visit.

Homework was Yamaguchi’s safe haven. It was a minor distraction to the hurricane in his head. It muffled the noise of the radio playing inside of him. Unfortunately, today was Friday, right before fall break. Yamaguchi wasn’t looking forward to the break. He wasn’t looking forward to spending his time alone. Of course, there was volleyball practice, but the boys knew he was never good enough. It’s his second year on the team and he had already lost the incitation of accelerating his game. His teammates knew Yamaguchi himself lacked self esteem, so they always induced and cheered him on during nearly everything.

What his teammates didn’t know, however, is that this made Yamaguchi feel moronic. It only made him feel worse about himself.

There was no practice today, which means Tadashi just goes home, manages to do his homework, and do whatever he does after. Ennoshita canceled practice today because of the huge party tanaka and nishinoya were throwing. Mostly because the team captain had a special date- but he didn’t say.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

*Tanaka’s sister, Saeko, rented a huge house in the tiny city. Tanaka begged his sister for just one night to let him have his party. With the help of Nishinoya, they threw it back old school and made an essay and powerpoint about why they should have it for one night. It was the first thing Tanaka and Nishinoya promised to do once they got into the student council as presidents: to have a huge party where everyone is invited. Yes, they ran as one person, and yes, they won. After Saeko was surprised that both Tanaka and Nishinoya could write a concluding paragraph, she said yes. She covered for Tanaka and convinced her parents to stay a couple extra days at university with her. Thus, the party was settled. Tanaka and Nishinoya being the people they are, they invited the schools Aoba Joshai, Nekoma, and Fukurodani to come. Once someone heard the date, time, and location of the party, it was being spread around school to school like a wildfire.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yamaguchi only had his english homework to do, the rest he had finished during free block. He could easily do his homework at school, because that’s where you do work. Just the moment he gets home, the motivation to do the work is two times more invisible than it is at school. However, homework was a nice distraction for him. He picked up his pencil and started answering the problems.

The party started at nine, which Yamaguchi guessed based on other students, was early for a party. It was only 5:30 now, so Yamaguchi had a lot of spare time. Yamaguchi was listening to the radio in his head again, like normal. He now did the usual- go into the bathroom, turn the fan on, and cry away his feelings.

There weren’t many feelings to cry away. the boy just felt numb. He felt useless, alone, embarrassed, depressed. Today just felt different- the crushing sense of worthlessness was taking a toll on Yamaguchi harder than usual or what he expected. The salt tasting tears just came out of him as he sat with his back against the door. He was crying away any feelings he had left. He was crying away to the never ending radio inside of him. The boy felt pathetic, worthless, used, and needless. He would never be good enough. These are the usual feelings he had, but being alone in the bathroom just made him feel different.

He had now worn himself out from crying. He turned off the fan in his bathroom and fell asleep right on the floor before he could make it to his bed.

Yamaguchi woke up to the constant ringing on his phone. It was his best friend Kei Tsukishima. Yamaguchi sluggishly picked up his phone. He felt hot and dehydrated from both crying and sleeping. His eyes were dry, he could feel his face kinda puffy, and his cheeks were warm except kind of damp with the tears he had cried earlier on. He finally accepted the call after processing what was going on.

“Hey Tsukishima!” Yamaguchi could be an actor, his voice sounded so pleasant and filled with joy. Yamaguchi almost believed himself there.

“Hey Yams, are you getting ready for the party?” Tsukishima had his usual monotone voice coming through the speaker.

Yamaguchi widened his eyes and looked at the time, 8:00 pm.

wow, i really cried and slept that long.

The boy processed it actually was 8:00. tsukishima has a date with the popular girl at Karasuno. Tsukishima would’ve rejected her, but her older brother was friends with Ennoshita, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Kinoshita, and Narita. Tsukishima would’ve gotten hell for rejecting her, especially when she asked him out during lunch in front of everyone in their grade. Yamaguchi was going to tag along with tsukishima for a ride, but then he would be left on his own. Tsukishima hesitated and asked if his best friend was okay being alone at the party, but Yamaguchi insisted. Everything was alright, it was just one night. Besides, he’s been alone for at least an hour or two during parties.

“Yeah- almost ready!” That was a lie. Yamaguchi hadn’t even started.

“Okay then. Yamaguchi everything okay? You’ve been acting weird. You kinda sound sad or mad maybe-”

“I’m fine it’s okay!” That was a coincidental embarrassed tone.

“Are you sure-“

“I’m fine.”

well that sounded a little rude coming from me.

Yamaghuchi’s therapist said that depression doesn’t just mean being sad, but also bits of irritants and anger mixed in. Yamaguchi didn’t mean to say it like that- he was just tired of Tsukishima asking him if he was okay all the time, it was like a once a day or week tradition. Yamaguchi felt guilty, his mood swings got out of hand sometimes.

“Right then- well do you want to come over or would you prefer me to pick you up?” Tsukishima knew something was up, Yamaguchi had been irritated more easily than he used to be, and would occasionally lash out. Something was obviously wrong, but if Tsukishima asked again like he does every couple days or once a week, the lash out may be bigger than expected.

“Sorry for saying that in a rude way! I’m just struggling on that video game Hinata told me to play! It’s just a little hard!” Yamaguchi nervously laughed after what he said. “Whatever works for you works for me!”

“Oh okay then. I’m already ready, so I can come to your house. I’m on my way now.”

“Okay see you then!” Yamaghuchi said before the call hung up. He had about ten minutes to fix his appearance and look somewhat decent to other people. This is also where the validation of strangers kicks in.

===============================

Tsukishima knew something was off about Yamaguchi. At first it didn’t seem like much, but he can now notice clearly that his best friend is acting different. Yamaguchi got irritated easily, and sometimes lash out at the little things.

something is off  
yamaguchi has been acting different  
is this normal? is this how it’s always been?

Tsukishima makes it to the door and knocks.

===============================

Yamaguchi had already finished a quick shower and had gotten completely ready before he heard Tsukishima knock on the door. He was wearing a brown oversized long sleeved shirt that had a horizontal white stripe, not light but not dark blue jeans, and some white shoes. It was one of the outfits Yachi and Kiyoko helped pick out for Yamaguchi when they convinced him to let them style his wardrobe. According to them the outfit is “aesthetic”, and Yamaguchi really liked it.

Then he looked in the mirror.

The clothes looked good, just not on him. (they actually did look good, it’s just Yamaguchi’s self esteem telling him no)  
The green haired boy with freckles could barely look at himself. Just everything about himself he hated. From the freckles, to his face, to his kinda scrawny arms, all the way down to his smallish feet. Just looking at himself made him want to cry again. In fact, tears were already forming. Tsukishima knocked on the door again and it snapped Yamaguchi out of his stare. He grabbed his belongings and left out the door.

“Sorry to keep you waiting! My mom was on the phone with me!” Yamaguchi walked out.

Tsukishima was wearing a plain white t-shirt with black jeans. After Yamaguchi locked the door, he and Tsukishima started walking to Karasuno. Nishinoya was giving them a ride to the rented house, but first he and Tanaka had a council meeting.

“It’s fine. I’m just perplexed how Tanaka and Nishinoya are THE PRESIDENTS of Karasuno. Their grades are trash, and only one person can be president. Those idiots.” Tsukishima said.

“You love them though! Maybe you should run? It could be fun!” Yamaguchi was actually holding a conversation this time.

“That’s funny. I can’t stand much of the students in the council, and I wouldn't want to do public speaking.” Tsukishima said right before his phone dinged with a notification.

“Oh, it’s y/bff/n. She said that one of her quiet friends is sharing a ride with her and the others. Maybe we can all be a group..?”

“Tsukishima no! The third years will be furious if you turn your date with y/bff/n into a group!” That is true what Yamaguchi said.

“Fine,” Tsukishima huffed.

After a couple more minutes, they finally made it through the doors of Karasuno.

Usually, there would be noise booming from all directions. Most sport practices would’ve already been finished, and different athletes would be talking and walking out. But because of the party, most sports practices were canceled by the team captains. They were only a couple steps in until they heard the council meeting from here.

“Now, just follow Noya’s car and you’ll be there! Keep in mind, we got a whole bunch of cars waiting on my street. So we’re going to go back to my neighborhood and circling around. It’s like a parade!” A muffled Tanaka voice said.

“You know, student council isn’t just for throwing parties and getting clout. We have important things to do, and we won’t waste another meeting on this like we have multiple times. This is an outside of school party, it isn’t even related to school!” A girl’s voice was heard.

“But this was our promise, Akira-San! Anyways, is everyone ready? Let’s go! We’ll meet you in the parking lot!” You could hear Nishinoya’s voice slowly getting closer as he ran out of the cafeteria with Tanaka.

“Hey! You guys ready?” Nishinoya said before the three of them saw Tanaka run around the corner.

Both Nishioya and Tanaka all of a sudden got a sense of style. Cool tshirts, fitted jeans. Yamaguchi noticed everyone really had changed since last year, except Yamaguchi himself. Yamaguchi was just his same old, dispiriting, depressing self.

“Of course! You guys look great!” Most of the time when the team hangs out all together, they are usually in their clothes for volleyball. Yamaguchi was surprised- Kiyoko and Yachi really worked some style into everyone when they took them shopping.

“Well thank you! It’s just what awesome upperclassmen do!” Tanaka said.

“Sure- Noya we heard you guys say something about a long line of cars?” Tsukishima said as they started walking.

“Oh yeah! Some of the people from Nekoma and Fukorodani were kinda lost, so Tanaka just gave his house address to everyone to go to! It will be like a parade to the mansion!”

“Rented mansion- so you are telling us hundreds of people are at Tanaka’s house right now?! What kind of plan is that? Giving hundreds of strangers your address, Tanaka?!” Tsukishima was already annoyed by them, the car ride would surely be fun.

“Okay well it’s mostly just the people that came uninvited! So that’s like the randoms from the three other schools. One person got a hold of my number and sent it to everyone. The more the merrier I say!” Tanaka said.

Nishinoya unlocked his car and they all got into the car. It oddly smelt nice, like a cinnamon and pumpkin spice. Then again, he has four older sisters. They had to have schooled him about the inside of his car.

“So the back is kinda messy because of mine and Tanaka's school stuff, but there should be room for you second years back there!” Nishinoya moved some of the stuff and threw it into the trunk.

“Off to the neighborhood!” Tanaka said as Nishinoya started the engine.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

“HEY EVERYONE, FOLLOW ME AND TURN BACK AROUND!” It was already around 8:30, and Tanaka was guiding everyone on the road with the windows down. They had already messed up twice and had to take a u-turn.

“This is the third time we’ve messed up! We have a couple hundred cars all following our one car. Give me the directions I’ll help guide.” Tsukishima was trying to get the map.

“Ah second year get away!” Tanaka slapped Tsukishima’s hand away from the crumpled map. “Let your senpais handle this!”

“Okay if you guys want to get lost.” Tsukishima huffed.

“Guys calm down! Tanaka let me see the map!” Nishinoya was grabbing the map but they almost swerved off the road.

Yamaguchi jumped, of course the swerve would probably startle anyone.

“Guys be careful please! I don’t want us to get in an accident!” Yamaguchi said.

“Noya give me the map back! TURN HERE!!!!” Tanaka yelled.

The tires screeched as they turned, and you could hear multiple tires screech behind them turning as well.

“Dude you have to tell me beforehand, not right before missing the street!” Nishinoya said, finally getting steady on the darkened road.

The moon shone bright and the cold air of September swung through Yamaguchi’s hair. The tickle of the air made his face cold.

After a couple more minutes of driving, Tanaka and Nishinoya screaming lyrics, and Tsukishima‘s sarcastic comments, they made it to the neighborhood.

“THE NEIGHBORHOOD! OH- ITS GATED NOYA. SHIT STOP AT THE GATE AND I’LL TELL THE OTHERS.” Tanaka and Nishinoya were back into panic mode.

Nishinoya pulled at the gate and was explaining to the guards that about the next two hundred cars behind them were with them. Meanwhile, Tanaka was out of the car making calls to people to get out of the cars and tell others what was going on. He went down telling some, and then those people would tell others, and so on and so forth until the last car was notified. Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita were in the middle car out of everyone, so they were already getting out of the car and telling the second half of the cars.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

It was about 10:00 now, and Nishinoya was now intimidating the guards with his explosive energy. It’s been like this for who knows how long. Sitting in the car isn’t that fun, but then again, what did Yamaguchi find fun nowadays?

“Please sir we paid for this house to have a party! Can you let them go in?!” Nishinoya was jumping around.

“No! We already told you-” One of the guards began.

“TANAKA I NEED BACKUP!”

Tanaka ran from the aisle of cars and got to Nishinoya’s side.

Yamaguchi was still spacing out focusing on his melancholic feelings. Why could he just be normal? why was this the only thing he thought about?

“This is chaotic and I want to go home. The girl is annoying, this is frustrating, I want to leave.” Tsukishima clearly wasn’t feeling it.

“You haven’t even given her a chance! Don’t let this affect your time with her!” Yamaguchi didn’t know y/bff/n that well, but she should at least have a good time without Tsukishima’s attitude.

“NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME: WE HAVE ABOUT TWO HUNDRED CARS BEHIND US, AND ABOUT TWO HUNDRED MORE ALREADY AT THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW. YOUR YELP REVIEWS WILL BE TRASH. NO STARS. BAD REVIEWS. OUR FRIEND WILL CONVINCE HIS SISTER THAT IS A FAMOUS MODEL TO SAY HOW BAD THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS, AND BOOM! NO MORE JOB. NO MORE MONEY. THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WILL BE RIPPED TO SHREDS. And I'm sure you guys won’t want that. Now please let everyone in!” Tanaka was heard yelling at the guards from the car. Yamaguchi felt uncomfortable and intimidated, and Tanaka was far away AND not even talking to him.

“If you do this, you won’t be welcomed back.” Two managers were now involved.

“Well it’s worth it! And your jobs won’t be ripped to shreds!” Nishinoya said.

“Well I suppose you can go. but any more trouble you WILL be asked to leave and the police will be notified.” The second manager said.

“OH THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU!!!” Tanaka and Nishinoya were frantically bowing and jumping around. They ran back to the car and started it again.

“Tsukishima, call Ennoshita and tell them it’s back on again!” Tanaka said as Nishunoya started driving, cars following behind.

——————————————————

“Tanaka we’re already running out of food! Half these people are already drunk, and Kageyama just hasn’t left the master bedroom! It smells like smoke too!” Hinata was on speaker phone frantically talking, not even taking a breath.

“Listen Hinata, we got about two hundred more cars coming with multiple people inside. We’re going on a store run after we get the people to the house- which is here!” The gate of the rented “mansion” was already opened. Tanaka and Nishinoya were actually thinking this time, as they left the gate open for people to park around the house.

The mansion wasn’t actually a mansion, it was more medium sized. However, it was the only house on the street, so there were huge fields and a huge pool. They were able to fit all the cars into the street, the fields, and inside the gates of the house. It was already 10:30 and Yamaguchi was not prepared as hundreds of people stampeded past him and into the house. The designated drivers of the groups were already dumping their keys into the “NO DRINK AND DRIVE” box. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima barely made it through the door without being interrupted by Tanaka.

“WE’RE GOING ON A RUN TO GET MORE THINGS. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE WITH Y/BFF/N TSUKKI! AND DON'T BLOW IT, OR ALL THE THIRD YEARS ARE KICKING YOUR ASS!” Tanaka yelled

“AND YAMS- LET LOOSE A LITTLE, HAVE SOME FUN! GO TALK TO PEOPLE, THEY COULD BE NEW FRIENDS!!” Nishinoya said before closing the door and starting the car.

Yamaguchi flashed a quick smile and waved.

“Those idiots- wait until Suga, Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko figure out what they have done.” Tsukishima laughs.

“Tsukishima! What’s up?! Are you ready to hang out?!” y/bff/n grabs Tsukishima’s hand and pulls him inside.

“Wait Yamaguchi- are you okay with being alone?” Tsukishima and y/bff/n came to a stop.

“YES! Go have some fun you guys!” Yamaguchi laughs and walks in.

“Hey! My friend is already partying! It’s been so long since we’ve been to a party, I forgot she is such a party  
animal! If you find her, I’m sure she’ll talk to you!” y/bff/n waved to Yamaguchi and she walked away with Tsukishima.

The house was filled with led lights and loud music and everything a typical high school party would include. To Yamaguchi, this was a more depressing scene. He was left alone with no friends to talk to. Yamaguchi already felt lonely, and miserable. His social awkwardness and how he got this anxious feeling talking to others made him not like parties much. He decided to find a room in the house that was empty, and just sit alone. Eventually someone drunk will probably walk in and try to talk to him, but that’s for later in the story. As he walked the halls of the house, he bumped into dozens of people. Most reeked of alcohol, or had the stench of smoke to them. Yamaguchi replied with a quick “sorry!” and scurried along.

“AH SORRY!” Yamaguchi quickly slammed the door as he thought he finally found an isolated room, but it was instead a random hookup occupying the room.

This happened multiple times through Yamaguchi’s search for an isolated room. Yamaguchi’s awkwardness only made it worse. One couple even shouted at him for his mistake.

Yamaguchi settled in a small bedroom finally isolated.

Comfortable with the weird feeling inside of him, tears just slowly came out naturally. Yamaguchi made quick sniffles because here is not the time for any stranger to see him in his usual emotional distress. His mood stabilizers for his depression only made things worse.

He was now crying, full on like he was earlier.

why am i such a mistake?  
what did i do?  
why can’t i be normal?  
why can’t i be happy?  
i mess up.  
like everything i do, nothing ever works.

Yamaguchi felt sappy in a bad way. He wanted to dissolve right into the hardwood floor. He just wanted to go home desperately, but he couldn’t leave. He had just arrived like an hour ago, and who leaves a high school party before midnight? Everyone would probably think he was lame. Tanaka and Nishinoya already came back from their huge run of food, snacks, and beverages. Besides Yamaguchi’s everlasting tornado of thoughts, he could hear tanaka scream as his booming voice echoed around the whole house.

“OH YEAH! YOU GUYS WANT TO GO OUTSIDE?! WHAT ABOUT THE POOL?!” Everyone was cheering after Tanaka yelled.

It seemed fun. Going in the pool, listening to the music, hanging with friends- that he doesn’t have. Yamaguchi was also very insecure about his body. even wearing this made him self doubt.

There he was, quietly sobbing over his thoughts. Everything he did felt as if it were a mistake. He felt as if he was a burden.  
not worthy  
not loved  
alone  
worthless  
alienated  
why can’t i be normal?

These thoughts continuously circled his head. Even though he had managed to stop sobbing, tears occasionally came out. He was taking deep breaths trying to regulate his vision, his breaths, and to clear his head back to the melancholic mind state. Yamaguchi didn’t know how long he had been there for, either a minute or an hour. Who knows?

This time it was actually an hour the boy had been like this- so maybe midnight. Hinata stumbles in and Yamaguchi stands up, quickly wiping his steaming but damp face with his sweater.

“Hey yams! Are you enjoying the party? Why are you in here all alone?” Hinata was already asking Yamaguchi dozens of questions and repeating the same ones, he hadn't even been there for thirty seconds.

“Oh yeah I’m good! I just had to take a break for a couple minutes!” Yamaguchi awkwardly laughed.

As if that made him any more weird in the current situation- on the floor of an abandoned bedroom with a poorly lit lamp working as the only source of light. Yamaguchi was originally against the door, but he thought he heard someone coming so he stood up.

“Oh really? Well, come back some time! Kageyama got tired of being my dance-off partner! He said he didn’t want to dance anymore!” Hinata showed off some of his dance moves.

“Yeah- sure!” Yamaguchi giggled at Hinata's attempt of doing the renegade from tiktok.

“Great yams!” Hinata then closed the door.

Yamaguchi continued standing for a little bit, maybe five minutes of staring off into  
a contradicting abliss. Just a while ago, his surroundings felt depressing, but now his mind was at ease. He finally changed positions and sat down against the wall as he stared at the opposite wall with the plant wallpaper.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It was after midnight and Tadashi Yamaguchi was having a staring contest with the floor. He wondered how it felt to be someone like Tanaka or Nishinoya, where they could just fit in with everyone so easily. Where everyone listens to what they say. Where everyone laughs at their jokes. Where they can effortlessly continue a conversation. Yamaguchi wanted to know what that felt like.

Yamaguchi heard his phone go off and he immediately reached for his phone. He never got any notifications anyways, why did he have to make a snag for his phone?

Because he didn’t want to be alone in his thoughts. Because he shouldn’t be a teen isolated in an unfamiliar place staring at the floor.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

FROM: tsukishima 🦕  
she is a little funny, but she is clingy  
i want to go home  
where are you and are you enjoying everything? i would rather hang out with you lmao

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Yamaguchi was just planning on leaving it on read, but Tsukishima might say something rude to y/bff/n just to leave.

TO: tsukishima 🦕

tsukishima you are staying with her and making sure she gets home safely!  
for real, don’t ditch your date for me lol

she seems like a nice girl, and she is really interested in you based on how she asked you!

and remember, y/bff/n is azumae’s sister, the third years will probably jump you if they found out you were an ass to her

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Sent.

Yamaguchi put his phone away and this time he was staring at the ceiling.

What was he doing? What decisions in his life had brought him to sitting in an isolated room staring at the ceiling? Why couldn’t he just be like normal teens and go out and party? Talk to others? Make Jokes? Try different alcohol and drugs, but then have trippy experiences and briefly remember any of it later? Why was he even at this party? Was it because his teammates felt bad that he didn’t really talk to anyone else?

Yamaguchi came to this party only because Tsukishima was going. Those plans got bummed out because someone asked Yamaguchi’s best friend on a date to the party.

why am i even at this party?

The door creaked open. Yamaguchi quickly raised his head down and saw a beautiful girl.

Now this is where the story actually begins.

——————-——————-—————

wow.

The two just stared at each other for a minute or two, Yamaguchi couldn’t keep track. He was too busy admiring her, and absorbing all of her features one by one.

“Can I sit with you?” The girl said, finally breaking the silence.

Yamaguchi was startled for a second. “Uh- yeah sure!”

The girl made her way to Yamaguchi and sank down next to him. She smelled like alcohol, but smelled more like smoke. She also had a hint of perfume around her. Yamaguchi couldn’t really tell if he liked the combination of all three together.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Another party, another stranger Yamaguchi talked to. Whenever Yamaguchi would end up alone, even if it was just for an hour, he would meet a new stranger. Usually the strangers were drunk, high, or both. No matter what, they would always end up spilling their life stories to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi was always intrigued by their stories. Every time he talked to someone new, no matter their life story, he could never help them or be their friend (even if they felt like a friend to Yamaguchi). They probably wouldn’t even remember Yamaguchi in the morning. Some stories were extremely depressing, and there was nothing he could do. He just wanted to stay there and listen to them, let them vent and take their mind off of what would be going on at home or at school. He wanted to help them and get help if needed, but even in those cases nothing could be done. They wouldn’t remember what he looked liked or even his name the next day. Every stranger made him feel a little comforted in his time with them, and they were always more beautiful after the next. Either on the inside or outside, it didn’t matter.

Yamaguchi loved listening to the good stories as well. Knowing they had a good life and that they were enjoying their time being a teen. Yamaguchi himself wishes he had that. He especially liked the ones where they would babble on and share multiple short and funny stories. Those tangents leading to others, ending up with Yamaguchi and his just-for-the-hour-best friend laughing. He would drive some of them back home, even if they were far away. Occasionally if there were parents at the door, he would leave his number on a sticky note next to the end-of-the-hour-no-longer-best-friend’s side table, so they could text him again if their parents asked more about the situation. Saying goodbye to his hour best friend was his least favorite part. It was a shame they would never remember him. It was depressing Yamaguchi would probably never see the stranger again or ever be friends with them. He would know so much about them, he would feel like he had known them for years. Unfortunately though, that would never be the case. Yamaguchi has wrote down almost everyone he has met through these occasions (and the stories he could remember), just so he could remember the quick times he felt something. He did this as a way of closure, for not being able to see or talk to them like he did that night.

It was always Nekoma who had the funniest stories.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

There was silence. Normally, Yamaguchi would’ve been uncomfortable. However, with this girl sitting next to him, he felt more comfortable. Comfortable silence is the best type of silence.

should i say something?

“So why are you sitting alone? And who are you?” The girl said.

The boy decided to say his usual excuse when people asked that.

“I just needed a break! Partying can get tiring sometimes!” Yamaguchi nervously chuckled. He was what- a sixteen year old second year now? He still can’t talk to pretty girls without getting anxious.

“Hm really? I’ve been partying for hours, and I haven't seen you out there once. I saw you walking around the halls, and going into this room hours ago.” The girl gave him a half smile, her words were a little slurred but not by much.

“Oh- I guess you're right then.” Yamaguchi had a hand behind his neck.

“Why are you so nervous? You don’t have to be nervous you know!” She lightly nudged Yamaguchi. She was definitely tipsy, but Yamaguchi didn’t mind.

“I don't really know, I guess talking to girls makes me nervous.” Yamaguchi now had his cheeks dusted pink.

“Why?” She said laughing.

because you are gorgeous, and i don’t know what to say to not embarrass myself.

“I don’t really know.” Yamaguchi took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

“Well, don’t be nervous! I’m just a normal girl!” She gave a smile to Yamaguchi.

She was not just a normal girl. To Yamaguchi, she was perfect.

her eyes  
her nose  
her hair  
her face  
her hands  
her sense of style  
everything is perfect.

“Hello?” she said.

“Yeah! Well, I feel like there is no such thing as normal. Everyone is different.” Yamaguchi was now staring at the wall again, and the girl was as well.

“I guess you’re right.” The girl said, and had taken a drink from the red solo cup she had. She offered it to Yamaguchi, but he politely declined. The cup was pretty big, Yamaguchi remembered Nishinoya calling Tanaka about how he couldn’t find small cups at the store.

“Sorry I don’t drink, but thank you.” Yamaguchi had said.

“No don’t worry about it! I probably shouldn’t be having another one, but i don’t really care.” She shrugged.

“Oh- why is that?” Yamaguchi knew that was a stupid question, but he couldn’t take it back now.

“My family is all alcoholics. No one really cares about each other, only the drink in their hand that they will be replacing on and on again. No one really pays attention in any of the houses. I have to remind my parents to pay bills every month. I still don’t understand why they have high paying jobs- they are just addicted to alcohol.” The girl’s tone of voice had changed.

“Their emotions with it. They were frustrated more often, it was a gradual build up. When one of them would get home, they would take it out on me and my older brother.”

shit. what do i say?

The girl brought this up so bluntly and randomly with not much emotion to it… Why?

Strangers at parties have told Yamaguchi similar stories, and he never knows what to say. There is nothing Yamaguchi could do either. He couldn’t contact anyone or help her.

Yamaguchi wanted the girl to be one of the happy strangers he would meet at parties. He wanted this girl to have a happy life.

“Jeez i’m sorry-” Yamaguchi started.

“Why are you apologizing? There is nothing you can do anyways. You probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow.” She said chuckling.

Yamaguchi could smell the alcohol the girl he was sitting next to had taken a sip of. It was something strong, but the boy couldn’t exactly put a finger on what drink it actually was.

she assumes i’m drunk then? i thought she said she didn’t see me  
and i told her i didn’t drink-  
she’s drunk

“Are you okay though? Are you hurt badly?” Yamaguchi was now turned to her.

“Stop worrying so much! I would be lying if I said I was fine, but it doesn’t matter.”

Yamaguchi looked down at her shoes. Just above her ankle, there were splotches of purple and blue. How did he not notice this before?

“Yeah they were the ones that did that. when they are sober, they always deny it. They would blame it on the other, since I live at both of their houses. ‘that was your father not me!’ ‘no that’s your mother not me!’ ” The girl imitated her parents and fixed her shoes.

“What about your brother?” Yamaguchi shouldn’t be asking these questions and he knew that as well.

“He graduated already. He worked his ass off to graduate a year early, just so he could leave. He promised me he will come back for me soon, I just hope he keeps that promise.” She took a deep breath and took a sip from the drink.

damn. i can’t say anything.

A couple more minutes of silence blew over.

“Look at the walls. You can tell a lot about a family from the walls.” She says, pointing at the wall.

This home was different from most homes in japan. This house seemed to have a vintage-american style. Yamaguchi heard Tanaka talking about it on the phone with Saeko. The wallpaper was a creamish color, with little plants as the pattern.

“See! It looks like old couple wallpaper!” She was laughing now, and her laugh was very angelic. Even for a drunk, lazy laugh, it was still beautiful to Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi thought it was a little cute that she was just laughing at that, it made him laugh a little. ”You’re right, It kinda gives off that vibe!” He was finally able to laugh a little.

“I feel like the old couple would have a lot of grandkids. Like their names would be interesting too. Like Konzume, or Kuroo, or Oikawa, or Konoha. Names like that!”

What a coincidence, Yamaguchi knew all of those names and could remember their faces.

“Maybe- all of that from one wallpaper?!” Yamaguchi looked over to the girl. She had stopped laughing, She was now beaming a smile instead.

“Well yeah! You have to be perspective.” She had now been sprawled out on the floor.

she’s creative

“You’re a very creative person!” Uck. That compliment sounded so bland.

“Wait you think so? Thank you!” Her eyes were closed, but she was still smiling. Her lipstick was kinda smeared, but she was stunning. The moonlight from the window mixed in with the dim lamp and made her glow. The smeared lipstick only added to the elegance.

Only a couple more conversations were carried on before the girl had completely fallen asleep. Yamaguchi softly scooped the girl up in his arms, and laid her on the bed. He fixed the blankets and turned off the dim lamp light. Yamaguchi couldn’t blame the girl- partying hard since nine and talking to a random boy for an hour. Yamaguchi would’ve been tired too.

It had only been about forty five minutes since Yamaguchi had tucked her in. He was just on the floor playing Minecraft on his phone. He had forgotten the girl was asleep, it might be a little weird if someone walked in. He didn’t want to look like a creep, he should probably leave. He was slowly opening the door so he could find another room.

“And where are you going, Cute Clothes Boy?”

damn. even her sleepy voice gets me.  
wait she thinks my clothes are cute?!

“Oh I didn’t know you were awake! I was just about to leave and-“

“No stay! I’m awake now! And where are the lights?” The girl had sat up on the bed.

It was a little past 2:00 now, and the party was still going on. It was louder than it had ever been. Yamaguchi was concerned about the police showing up, he didn’t want to talk to any police, nor explain to his parents everything that happened.

“Hello?”

“Sorry the music is just super loud!” Yamaguchi turned on the dimmed lamp.

The boy looked up, and saw the beautiful girl with her movie star smile. even in a poorly lit room and blasting music, it seemed like time had stopped. Everything about this girl was so mesmerizing, and her personality beamed with perfection. Yamaguchi had been talking to her for almost two hours, counting the time she had been asleep for. She seems tough and stubborn when you first meet her, but bubbly and funny when you get to know her. She was caring to her younger cousins, even when they drew all over her bedroom wall. The girl even showed Yamaguchi all the pictures of the drawings. Or the video where she had almost beat up her best friend’s ex. She was amazing, and Yamaguchi didn’t want this night to end.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Time was flashing by so quickly.

“And then the milk went right out of his nose! It went everywhere and I almost started choking on the piece of onigiri I was eating!” She was laughing, and Yamaguchi was almost laughing. He loved hearing her voice.

“And that’s when he said ‘dude what’ AND I WAS ABOUT TO BEAT HIM I SWEAR.”

Even more stories were coming from the girl now. She had an interesting but also sad life.

“And then I sat there, crying on the floor after my parents told me they were getting a divorce. My life had been crushed.”

“She then proceeded to snitch on me, and that’s how I lost my walking home alone from school privileges taken away. Don’t trust your stuck up neighbors, b-t dubs.”

“BUT WAIT- it gets better!...”

“I rejected the boy, he was out of my league anyways.”

“I showed up to my junior high’s school dance. While I looked like a homeless person, my best friend looked like a pageant queen. Even in the same basic clothes like me, she just sparkled more.”

“There I was crying again! My mother had hit me and I yelled at her. Not a wise choice on my part. I joke about my life to cope, you need to laugh sometimes so I don’t feel crazy!”

00000000000000000000000000000000

“GET IN YOUR FEELS FOR SOME THREE A.M FEELINGS MUSIC. KENMA HIT IT!” You could perfectly hear Tanaka and Nishinoya’s synchronize yell-talking.

even when they’re drunk or high or both, they can still match their words as if they were twins.

“Ugh I don’t want to be in my feels!” The girl said with a pout.

“Sad music is okay sometimes. you can just cry, enjoy the music, or just do both at the same time.” Yamaguchi adjusted his position on the floor, and the girl was now getting up to sit with him.

“Hey...I feel like I just told my life story to you. Tell me about you! What’s your life Cute Clothes?” She said.

Yamaguchi didn’t want to tell her about his embarrassing, depressing life. Why would he want to do that? He was about to answer as his phone buzzed. He saw all the missing notifications from his best friend.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

FROM: tsukishima 🦕

she can’t hold alcohol, but she is a heavy smoker.

just like the average popular kid i guess

we have been betting on competitions the whole night. i beat her in alcohol lmao

i am about to green out but i don’t want her to see

TO: tsukishima

YOU DONT WANT TO LOSE TSUKISHIMA ANSJSJSJSJSJ

you have to let her win something though lol

don’t forget all the third years are friends with her brother

FROM: tsukishima 🦕 yamaguchi i sent those like an hour ago lmao

where are you?

TO: tsukishima 🦕 don’t think about it kei >:(

you only have like an hour until the cops will probably show up, you guys should probably rest from everything you guys have been doing.

you’ll sound and probably smell sus if the cops show up lmao good luck

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Yamaguchi finished the last text and put his phone away.

“I’m sorry! My friend was talking to me! I-“

“Stop apologizing!!” She said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And besides, you over apologize!” She booped the top of Yamaguchi’s nose with her finger. “Just tell me about you!”

Yamaguchi smiled. “There’s nothing interesting in my life.”

“Nope I’m not taking that Cute Clothes Boy! You have heard my life story, and you heard me talk about my parents as I brushed it off as no big deal, and you were concerned for me! I haven’t had that in a while.”

There was a quick couple seconds of silence.

“So please, Cute Clothes, tell me more! Do you play any sports? Tell me about it, and some team members or something!” She smiled.

damn, i love her smile.

“I play volleyball.” Yamaguchi said. He was the listener, not the other way around. What is he supposed to say?

“...And…?”

“Uh- my team is pretty cool! My friends Kageyama, Tsukishima, and Hinata are also on the team! They’re super good!” Yamaguchi said.

The girl was fidgeting with the bracelet on her wrist. “I bet you’re better than them, no offense to them though!” She chuckled.

“Eh- not really. I'm not that good, all of them are amazing. They have natural talent, but me on the other hand…” Yamaguchi took a long needed breath. “I’m not good enough.”

Yamaguchi was a little perplexed and surprised- why was he sharing this outloud?

“Wait no, oversharing! I don’t know why I said that.” Yamaguchi messed up again. He facepalmed.

“No, keep going! Don’t be embarrassed!” The girl turned to the side to look at Yamaguchi.

“Why do you want me to keep going?” Yamaguchi noticed and turned over to her as well, both sitting cross-legged.

“Because, you seem like the therapist friend. Everyone comes to you for their problems. The moment you say something, either everyone is busy, or they can’t comfort you as well as you can comfort others. You seem like the quiet type- to not really speak their mind. You always seem anxious,  
and you over apologize all the time. It sounds like you have low self esteem, that’s evaporating away at everything when you do something wrong. Cute Clothes Boy, you seem to be lonely. You may not speak a lot, but I bet there are thousands of thoughts in your mind.” She pointed at Yamaguchi’s forehead when she said ‘thoughts’. “I don't know how to say this in a non offending way- but you seem sad. You feel like you can’t be happy for some reason. You are holding yourself back, and you feel like you can’t be happy…” The girl was now going on about different things. Her voice was muffled in the back of Yamaguchi’s thoughts.

damn, that was deep  
she’s telling me my whole life story.  
how did she know?  
she is the deep drunk or the giggly drunk. no in between i guess.

It felt as if the girl had done an x-ray on Yamaguchi’s mind, scanning out his thoughts and feelings.

“So please, talk to me. Let everything out.” she gave Yamaguchi a half smile. “Let me hear what you are thinking.”

this will probably be the only time i can say something. she is not going to remember any of this in the morning.

“I don’t really feel good enough for the team. Ever since my first year, all the other first years made it in the starting line up. I was a stupid bench warmer with a terrible serve. I'm in the starting lineup now, and even then I still get switched. i don’t have the natural talent my peers have. I practice and I practice and nothing works. it feels helpless. I don't want to suck. I don't want to lose. I just want to be good. I want to be wanted by my team. I don’t just want to be a tutor for my peers, I want to play too! I mean, I can do both- but I feel like they only rely on me for school. But that’s more of the second years though-” Yamaguchi had stopped to take another breath. This felt weird ranting to someone else. It felt oddly good though, he never really spills out everything. It was like his mouth was a rain cloud.

“Damn, it seems like no one has ever asked you if you’re really okay!” The girl said.

“Oh sorry I-”

“IF YOU SAY SORRY ONE MORE TIME- it’s not a bad thing! Keep going! Do you do anything else?”

Yamaguchi was thinking- did he really do anything else? Volleyball was one of the sports at karasuno that had longer practice times than most of the other sports.

“I like math.” Yamaguchi shrugged.

what the hell? what even is that?

“I’m sorry- math? Give me a fun hobby! Unless that is your fun hobby-” The girl was laughing again.

she must like to laugh

“I like to draw! I feel like I'm behind everyone else though in my art class. I have all this time- and I just don’t do anything. My art is so bad compared to everyone else. I’m in an advanced art class- but mine just looks bad compared to everyone else’s. I-”

“Why don’t you spend much time with it? Do you just go home and stare at the wall or something?” She raised her eyebrow up.

yes.

Yamaguchi softly looked away and focused his gaze somewhere else. A couple awkward seconds go by.

“Hey, I was joking. I’m sorry.” she looked up at him.

“No- uh- it’s fine!” Yamaguchi said.

“So you stare at the wall? What are you thinking about?” She said. “When I stare at a wall for a long time, my thoughts get blurry and negative. I don’t like it.”

“That’s just what I always do, I guess. I just look at the wall and think badly of myself, and the things I do. I think about how I'm never good enough. I think about how I was picked on when I was younger. I think of my poor image. I just wish to be someone else, I want to feel. feeling is something I long for. Now I just sob everyday and feel numb. I guess the crushing feelings of loneliness, sadness. and numbness are emotions, but I want to feel something better. Every time I think or do something that’s supposed to be happy it never works. I just feel like I'm stuck and only moving backwards in life. I want to give up, and I have for a while. This isn’t something I want to feel, but it’s the only way I can just leave.” Yamaguchi felt tears forming. He felt just like the girl when she first talked about her family- blunt and fast sentenced.

“Wait you were bullied?!” The girl said. she looked up and saw tears in the boy’s eyes.

damnit, crying again? in front of her?!

“Hey, hey! I’m here! Please don’t cry.” The girl leaned in and gave him a hug. “You are in a tough place, but I promise you it will get better. You are beautiful, kind, and seem to have a great sense of style. Freckle Boy, your smile is contagious. you are beautiful and worth it. You can always talk to me you know!”

beautiful?

Yamaguchi hasn’t been called that before. He couldn’t help but this time, having a genuine smile.

Together they held this embrace for a couple minutes. Yamaguchi’s cheeks were dusted pink again from small sobs, and the girl hugging him. He got his breathing balanced again as he just focused on inhaling and exhaling every time. He looked around the room and lightened his stare back on the wallpaper in front of them, the one that the boy and girl talked about and made a story for.

He looked down and noticed the girl was a bit paler, and breathing slower than she was before.

“I'm sorry-” The girl had quickly let go of Yamaguchi and quickly turned around. On the hardwood floor, she was throwing up. Yamaguchi knew the girl had too much to drink, and it was just her body getting rid of it.

she hasn’t had anything for like an hour… i mean, the cup she brought in here was pretty big, and it smelt strong…

Despite Yamaguchi wanting to move back, he stayed in his position. This would be an embarrassing situation if it were the other way around, he didn’t want to be mean.

She took a deep breath and turned back around.

“AH- I‘M SORRY.” Yamaguchi could tell she was really embarrassed. When this would happen, Yamaguchi always made sure the person he chatted with made it to the bathroom.

why didn’t she tell me she wasn’t well?

Because Yamaguchi, she wanted to listen and comfort you, like you have done to many others.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Yamaguchi was carrying the girl quickly, but gently to one of the many bathrooms in the house. It was just like the beginning of the party where Yamaguchi accidentally walked in on a few people hooking up. Yamaguchi entered the party so fast, he didn’t even see the stairs to the second floor. The house was pretty dark with the flashing led lights as the main source of light. There was blasting music and moving bodies, Yamaguchi had to slightly nudge his way to the stairs. He got some weird looks as he was moving her up the stairs. The girl just lightly and drunkenly waved at everyone and smiled.

“It’s okay, he’s not hurting me! I just threw up!” She said to a group of guys staring at them.

that only makes us sound even more suspicious.

Yamaguchi finally made it up the stairs with the girl in his arms, but he got stuck talking to Akaashi, a friend from Fukurodani. Yamaguchi was surprised he was here, it wasn’t really his scene.

“Hey- Yamaguchi?” Akaashi looked at the girl, and back up at Yamaguchi.

“It’s not what it looks like! She’s just not feeling well.” Yamaguchi spurted out.

“I see. Do you need any help?” Akaashi asked.

“No, I think I’m good, thank you! She’s just- hey what are you doing?!” Yamaguchi looked down to the girl, who had just downed what looked like three shots from the glass.

Yamaguchi looked up at the group of boys who offered it to her, laughing.

“Why would you do that?!” Yamaguchi said.

The group of boys came closer and huddled around Akaashi and Yamaguchi.

“And who are you?” one of the boys said.

“Let’s not do this. Leave them alone guys. I'll tell everyone here right now what you all did. Don’t think I won’t.” Akaashi said sternly to the group of guys. Akaashi’s voice never seemed so serious before.

The group’s expressions suddenly changed from drunkish-tough to a “please don’t do it” expression.

“Sorry she just seemed like she wanted some. We were joking dude!” Another guy said nervously laughing , and they scurried off.

Akaashi rolled his eyes at the scurrying boys. “Sorry about that, that’s the Fukurodani Baseball Team.”

“Hey- thank you! I would stay but I don't want her to-“ Yamaguchi started.

“No don’t worry about it, there’s a master bedroom that has a bathroom. End of the hall back right.”

“Thanks Akaashi!” Yamaguchi ran off.

With a little more light pushes and some intrigued looks, they made it to the end of the hall on the right.

The master bedroom was decorated nicely, but had a light beaming from one of the doors. This must’ve been the bathroom. With a loud knock on the bathroom door (because of Yamaguchi’s previous experiences), he fiddled with the knob and walked in.

Yamaguchi gently sat the girl down next to the toilet, with her back against the counter. He grabbed the pillows and blankets from the bedroom and laid them around her so she could be as comfortable as possible.

“Here, take this for your hair!” Yamaguchi rolled up one of his sleeves and gave the girl the black elastic from his wrist.

“Wait is that...?” There were subtle scars on his wrist from when Yamaguchi hurted himself from a long time ago. Well it wasn’t that long, it was a month ago. Yamaguchi was one month clean. This was something Yamaguchi was proud of, being clean.

“Please don’t worry, I am okay! Please put your hair up, just in case you get sick again! Iwill be right back, please don’t drink anymore and scream if there is someone in here!” Yamaguchi smiled and turned around.

even when she is sick, she still cares.

“Wait- Cute Clothes!”

Yamaguchi turned back around.

“Thank you.” She smiled.

cute clothes

Yamaguchi liked the nickname. He returned a smile and left the room. He  
was going to clean up the mess the girl made. Luckily, it was on hardwood floors, so it shouldn’t be that hard. Gross, but not hard. He opened the door of the master bedroom and there was a little box of baking soda with a sticky note attached and a roll of paper towels.

“Just in case- the baking soda will absorb it and make it starchy. It’s easier to clean up with this. I’m the designated driver for the volleyball team and they are all drunk and tired, so I have to go. call if you need anything, I’ll do my best to answer. - Akaashi.”

Yamaguchi folded the note and put it in his pocket. He picked up the supplies and hurried back down the stairs to the room.

He was going down the stairs and bumped into Tanaka.

“Hey dude? What are you doing?” Tanaka said, with Noya coming from behind him. “What’s with the stuff?”

“Oh! Somebody got sick! I found it and thought I should clean it up!” Yamaguchi was going, but Tanaka grabbed his shoulder.

Tanaka and Nishinoya had reddish eyes and both reeked of alcohol, stronger than the girl.

“Dude chill out! We stopped an hour ago! We can clean it, you know, you don’t have to!” Tanaka said.

Yamaguchi just now realized he was wide eyed and had a strange expression on his face when he saw them.

“No it’s okay! You guys are the party hosts, you both need a break too! And besides, you guys are smart for sobering up. Just in case of an emergency.” Yamaguchi said.

“Are you sure? We owe you one yams!” Nishinoya said.

Yamaguchi found the room they were in and was cleaning up the mess. He poured the baking soda down and was wiping up the spots until Kageyama walked in. He stopped and looked up at Kageyama.

Kageyama was just staring at the wall.

“He- hello?” Yamaguchi realized something was off with Kageyama. “Are you okay?”

“Yams I think I am high.” Kageyama said in a serious tone. Kageyama has never called Yamaguchi “yams” before, that was mostly Hinata and the third years. “I think I smoked too much.” He was still staring at the wall

“Oh- okay! Let me finish cleaning this and let me check up on someone- I’ll come get you! Stay on the bed and I'll bring you a trash can just in case you get sick! Was this your first time?” Yamaguchi turned around from his spot and saw that there was a trash can.

Yamaguchi realized that when the girl had hugged him, there was a trash can behind him. Yamaguchi thought it was just coincidence and that she didn’t see it. He would’ve been fine if she pushed him to get to it.

Really though, the girl just didn’t want to ruin his clothes.

“Yeah. I’m dizzy.” Kageyama was speaking slowly and his tone was off- he is most definitely high.

Yamaguchi dumped the paper towels into the trash can and put the bucket on the bed to the right of Kageyama.

“Okay stay here. I’ll be back with some water.”

Yamaguchi finished cleaning up after the girl, and brought Kageyama some water. He then texted and gave his thanks to Akaashi, and went back upstairs to see the girl.

It had only been half an hour since he saw that girl, it was now about 3:45. Yamaguchi just wanted to be back with the girl again. Hearing her voice, her laugh, seeing her smile. He wanted to hear her call him “cute clothes boy” again. He was hooked to her already.

He finally made it to the bathroom and the girl had not followed what he said- she was smoking.

“Hey i’m back! Wait what are you doing?! I told you to rest and stay put! Who gave that to you?” Yamaguchi was going to take the blunt, but the girl had put it out.

“Chill Cute Clothes Boy, it’s mine. I have the rest right here! Oh shit-” The girl said as Yamaguchi grabbed the pack of swishers and the bag of what he assumed was weed. “Hey!”

“Please don’t! I’ll give them back to you, but you need to rest. You might get even more sick after you downed those shots and smoked. How much have you had?”

“Three? I think it was three. Everything looks cool now, and your face looks blurry!” She was laughing again. She dropped the blunt in the toilet.

even when she’s high, her voice is still angelic. wait did she drop the blunt in the toilet?

“Please don’t do anymore! Have you thrown up again?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Actually no I’ve been pretty-” She was over the toilet throwing up again.

“Oh- okay!” Even though the girl’s hair was in a ponytail, he lightly grabbed hold of it.

This situation felt like a tv show. It was kind of funny, but Yamaguchi didn’t laugh. He wanted to take care of her. He had only met her three hours ago, but he feels attached. She is important to him now and he doesn’t know why.

Yamaguchi again is being ignorant- he is attached because he got to tell someone his emotions. He is attached because someone finally asked if he was actually okay, and cared about him.

He continued to hold her hair back for another fifthteen minutes while she on again off again threw up.

She was finally finished and leaned back. He gave her a paper towel so she could wipe her mouth.

“Well that felt kinda good! I’m still kinda dizzy though, and the music is still blurry.” she smiled.

“The music is blurry?” Yamaguchi chuckled.

“Just go with it!” she laughed.

She laid back on her pillow and gently closed her eyes. “Cute Clothes?”

Yamaguchi opened his eyes- he was about to take a nap too. “Yeah?”

“Can you play with my hair- please?” She looked up at him.

“Me?” Yamaguchi’s cheeks were dusted more red than pink.

“No- I'm talking to the cigarette that got flushed. Please? You don’t have to though.” She looked up at him with big puppy eyes.

adorable

“Yeah sure!” Yamaguchi let the girl rest her head on his lap while he took off her ponytail and played with her hair.

“Good night Cute Clothes.” The girl whispered.

He moved his hand around her scalp slowly and gently, making small circles by her temples. Yamaguchi saw the girl smile, and his cheeks got even more red (if that was possible). He wished he got to do this in a different way- like if they were at the park, or just snuggling at home. Instead, they were on the floor of a medium sized house, with blasting music, with hundreds of unfamiliar people, in a bathroom that smelt like weed, perfume, and alcohol vomit. Yamaguchi felt euphoric, his mind was at ease. He was like this until she fell asleep- which wasn’t long.

It was now a little over four in the morning and Yamaguchi was about to fall asleep until he heard the door open. Kageyama was at the door.

“Be careful, she’s asleep. How are you doing? Sorry I couldn’t come get you!” Yamaguchi whispered as he shifted a little bit so kageyama could sit down.

“I watched a youtube video with flashing lights that said ‘watch this when you’re high’ I think I was tripping.” Yamaguchi couldn’t help but laugh a bit, how could Kageyama stay so calm? “what?”

“Nothing Kags- did you enjoy it?” Yamaguchi said. He has never been high, so he was a bit curious.

“It was cool. I think I still am, but I'm not that dizzy or have blurry vision like i did before.” Kageyama sighed. He was staring at the toilet. He closed his eyes after a minute and leaned back against the side of the counter like yamaguchi is. Kageyama’s head rested on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. Yamaguchi was about to rest his eyes, but the door opened again.

“THE COPS ARE COMING THE COPS ARE COMING. NARITA AND KINNOSHITA CALLED US BECAUSE THEY WENT TO GO CHECK. THEY HEARD THE ADDRESS!!! ” Tanaka yelled.

“WE NEED TO HIDE EVERYTHING PRONTO. PEOPLE ARE FILLING OUT ALREADY WITH THEIR DESIGNATED DRIVERS AND GETTING THIER KEYS FROM THE ‘NO DRINK AND DRIVE’ BOX. WE HAVE TO HIDE EVERYTHING. PLEASE HELP” Nishinoya threw Yamaguchi and Kageyama trash bags and they got up. “WHO’S THE GIRL?”

“Be quiet she’s sleeping!” Yamaguchi said. Surprisingly, the girl didn’t wake up.

Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, Tanaka, Kageyama, Hinata, and Nishinoya were sprinting like mad men picking up any trash and any proof of drugs still lingering from guests.

“Shit- heroine needles?!” Ennoshita picked up the plastic bag.

“Bro we said no heroine on the invitation list. Give it to me, it’s getting buried” Nishinoya had a shovel in one hand, and a bag of probably illegal things minors can't have in the other.

“Noya take this!” Nishinoya lifted his bag up and Yamaguchi dumped the weed and the swishers the girl had in it.

“We can burn it tomorrow.” Tanaka said. “Kenma, watch outside and holler if the police arrive!” Tanaka shouted.

Yamaguchi now felt like he was in a crime show hearing Tanaka and Nishinoya burying and burning things.

“Nope I’m out of here. You paid me 5,502 yen to be the dj, and random girls were trying to talk to me while doing it. One of them almost broke my console, that’s a 5,192 yen repair!” Kenma said.

“We’ll give you another couple thousand yen , please Kenma?” Tanaka said.

“Seven thousand eight hundred three yen. ”

“Okay that’s specific- seven thousand two hundred eighty three?”

“Eight thousand eight hundred forty four.”

“Okay seven thousand eight hundred three yen. So specific...” Tanaka and Nishinoya were getting out their wallets.

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but laugh, who wouldn’t? Tanaka and Nishinoya just got scammed.

Kenma took the money and went outside while everyone stayed inside and cleaned up. Nishinoya was out back burying the stuff from his bag.

Tsukishima just walked back inside the house. “They were the last car. That girl is crazy. All of her friends seemed to have enjoy their time, they all looked fuck up like everyone else here. However, there was one girl that was with us for a little bit, but she went inside and we didn’t see her for a couple hours. She was y/bff/n’s best friend. She was in the car with them though.” Tsukishima looked no different than how he was at the beginning of the party. Yamaguchi forgot Tsukishima never really changed if he was drunk or high. “We partied outside by the pool the whole time, that girl just didn’t want to go in.” Tsukishima laughed.

“Did you enjoy your time with y/bff/n?” Yamaguchi was sitting on the couch, he had just finished cleaning up.

“She called me a jungle gym. It got boring after she was basically clinging on to me after she couldn’t handle the alcohol at the end.” Tsukishima smirked. “I guess it may have been fun. ”

“Will you call her back?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Maybe.”

“THE POLICE ARE HERE.” That was the first time Yamaguchi ever heard kenma shout before, besides when Karasuno played them at nationals last year.

“THANKS DUDE.” Tanaka shouted. Both Tanaka and Nishinoya ran out of the house.

Yamaguchi jumped up and realized the girl was still asleep in the bathroom upstairs.

He sprinted up the stairs and got to the bathroom. He opened the door, and she wasn’t there. Yamaguchi searched around for her, she wasn’t there.

He wanted to drive her home and admire her one last time before she would forget about him. He wanted to spend one last time with his for-the-night-best-friend. He wanted to hear her voice one last time. He didn’t even know her name.

All there was was a piece of folded paper on the ground. Yamaguchi picked up the folded piece of paper and in sloppy handwriting it said “cute clothes boy”. he could barely make out the words, but he unfolded the paper and read it.

“cute clothes boy,

thank you for everything. thank you for taking care of me, holding my hair back and letting me go on and joke about about my stupid life. you are such a caring person and i want you to know that you are never alone. you will never be alone cute clothes boy. you will find happiness. it may not be now, but soon. it takes baby steps to recover. your freckles, your hair, your lanky arms, everything about you is beautiful. perfect. you have such a caring and genuine soul. if i got to know you more, i could’ve fallen in love with you. xoxo <3 ”

Yamaguchi saw there was a signature but it just looked like a scribble, he couldn’t make out the letters. He looked down at the corner for more writing.

“hey, i don’t know who you are, but my friend insisted on writing to you what she wanted to tell you before she left. she told us- or tried to tell us how you took care of her. thank you so much, she isn’t in a good mindset right now. thank you for not taking advantage of her. she won’t stop talking about you, cute clothes boy.”

Yamaguchi examined the paper, reading it over and over again. He hasn’t heard any kind words like that in a while.

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima called out.

Yamaguchi looked at him smiling with teary eyes.

This girl had put Yamaguchi in a vulnerable state. How did he let this happen? Why did he let this happen? He spilled everything to her- how he was bullied, how he felt worthless, and how he wanted to give up. Why? Why did he tell her that? Little did Yamaguchi know, he was feeling love. all in the span of four hours, he almost fell in love. He felt wanted. He never got to say goodbye to the angel on earth. He never got to know her name.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

epilogue-

At almost eight in the morning, Nishinoya drove Tanaka, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima back home. Tanaka and Nishinoya were hung over, but they could safely drive all of them home. When Yamaguchi got home, he wrote down almost everything he could’ve remembered about the girl. That afternoon, Yamaguchi told everything to his parents. He told them he had been lying to his therapist. He told them how he wanted to give up, and how he hurted himself. He completely broke down. That was when his parents gave him the largest and most comforting hug they had ever given him. They comforted him and showered him with love, explaining the options of the help he could get, and how they would move at Yamaguchi’s pace. Yamaguchi had felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He and his parents all cried and just embraced each other as a family.

Yamaguchi was now walking with Tsukishima to Karasuno. Slowly but gradually, Yamaguchi will return to his older self. It takes steps for someone like Yamaguchi to recover. One of the first steps Yamaguchi decided to take on that first Monday after break was finally talking again during walks to school.

“Hey Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi said while walking.

Tsukishima took off his headphones, something he doesn’t normally do. He noticed Yamaguchi had stopped talking much on walks to school.

“Yes Yams?”

Yamaguchi smiled at being called that. “You’re my best friend. Thank you.”

“Yams, you’re my best friend. I am always here for you if you ever need anything, remember that.” Tsukishima put his headphones back on.

Yamaguchi smiled.

They finally made it to the second year hallway. Tsukishima had taken off his headphones again after they arrived.

Almost in slow motion, the two boys were about to walk past y/bff/n. Right next to her was the girl that Yamaguchi spent his night with at the party. Memories were flying back in the span of milliseconds. He walked ever so slowly as the two girls kept their pace and walked past him. He looked to the side. The girl gave Yamaguchi her perfect smile and a wink. Yamaguchi stopped in the middle of the hallways as the two girls walked by.

“Yamaguchi? Hey!” Yamaguchi snapped out of his gaze as he looked at his best friend.

“We’re causing traffic in the hallway, let’s go.” Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were now walking again, and picked up their pace so that the crowded hallway full of familiar strangers wouldn’t get mad at them.

“Tsukishima?”

“Yes Yamaguchi?”

“Who was that girl with y/bff/n?”

“Oh you didn’t know? That was the girl that partied with y/bff/n and I at the beginning of the party, she’s her best friend. her name was y/f/n.”

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story! I know this is kind of bad because it’s only my first story, but I hope to get better as time goes on!


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